August 25

This morning when I left at 5:15, I found a large feather on the steps. For weeks I have been finding small white feathers. They seem like confirmation from Spiritland. On Tuesday I found a larger white feather when Elysa was here. I took it as a confirmation of our working partnership and I gave her the feather. This morning's feather was three times that size. It lay on an outside step with a roof over it, open to the side but not above. Very unlikely it would be there.

I love confirmation from the Universe. I know that manifestations don't happen quickly. I know I will walk perfectly one day. Now I practice knowing my good, trusting, and being happy, not natural for an Enneagram 4. But I will do it because my walking is on the line. Who would have thought that in addition to a primary care physician, a neurologist, and a physical therapist I would need to do my psychological and spiritual work to walk?

That is what healing is all about--living in dialogue, asking and receiving, being sensitive to the flows. In the guided meditations I say, "In this second I am attentive and available." That's the way I choose to live--in partnership, receiving and releasing. That is dialogue with Spirit. Spirit hears everything I say and think. I don't need to fear I'm abandoned. With such powerful confirmation, I know Spirit supports me in my walking. It will happen. Always I will be happy and grateful and attentive.

A new challenge presents itself to me. A newcomer to the meditation group carries a familiar addictive vibe which is apparently still active in me. I recognize the old feelings though I haven't felt them in over a decade. I know how I had acted on them and I'm very clear I cannot do that now. The dichotomy is doing the same stupid acting out I have formerly done vs. staying in my Observer, watching, and allowing healing. And the last step of healing is walking.

The newcomer is a gift for me to be resolute in my commitment to follow Spirit's guidance. If I must choose between addictive acting out and walking, I choose walking. But above everything, I choose Spirit. I am committed and attentive.

Walking is the carrot. The work I must do is my own. Healing my longstanding psychological wounds lays a solid foundation. This is a test. I will not fail this test. 

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