August 29, 2014

Since I haven't slept well since starting the new meds, I altered the med schedule and omitted the evening dose. I have slept much better for two nights but I noticed that my walking has declined considerably. I want to walk and I want to sleep. Not sleeping is devastating and I wonder if that is the price for walking. (Of course, if I don't sleep I don't want to walk.) 

Panic ensued. Facing a long holiday weekend, I called the neurologist for help with sleeping while still taking the meds. He completely met the vibe I already had going about him and blew me off. I was hurt, frustrated, and angry. I knew I should wait until I am centered and inspired to take action. But I left a message for another neurologist. If it's not meant to be she won't call, I rationalized. 

I am practicing my talk for church about unconditional love. UL is identifying with the Source energy center and viewing the world through those vibes. I approach my recently-declining physical situation through a prism of fear and desperation. I came from a needy Child perspective and was met by an ungiving Parent. I take responsibility for those vibes going on in me. 

If I look at him with unconditional love, I appreciate his diagnosis and his med suggestions. He provided a turning point in my life and offered me hope. Maybe his job is complete. Maybe the next opportunity is to continue with another doctor and build upon the foundation he lay. Maybe he has done all he can do.

I don't want to hate him or be hurt by his reaction. I want to bless him and wish him only the best. 


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