August 31, 2014

The deeper inside I go the more sure it is that I will collide with a wall--the immoveable, dense wall of not believing in my worthiness. Consciously, I am far from that place. But something is holding me back; I suspect this wall.

Not feeling confident, not trusting my spontaneity, not exploding in joy--it's all the same. Old conditioning, learned self-hate, self-imposed limits--all were designed to guarantee safety in the past and all limit me immensely in the present. I choose to let them go. The depression served me at one point but not now. I can't heal completely without releasing it. And knowing that isn't enough. 

I must raise my vibratory level. So, I will. Now that I can see the wall, I can dismantle it. And that implies standing up to all those who have disparaged me over the years, whose voices still echo in the caverns of my chest. I will never gain their understanding, let alone approval, and I choose to let them go. I actually don't know what they think of me but I really don't care. I don't even wish them badly. I just want to be free of my self-imposed limitations. And giving my power to ghosts from the past is surely a major limitation.

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