June 17, 2014

After my talk at church on Sunday, I challenged the congregation to treat themselves the way Source treats them for one second--to unconditionally accept and love themselves. To be 100% on their own side. To adore themselves. For one second.

The talk went well enough but I came home and was overwhelmed with old feelings of hate from my abusive Inner Critic. No words, just contempt. Not for anything I had done or said just for me being me and allowing myself to be known.

Two days later, after spending much time in meditation and contemplation, I realize that asking for complete physical healing has opened me to healing at a deeper level. I have known about and felt the self-loathing for decades but I see now that healing my body requires that I love myself as Source loves me. By asking for healing I have allowed the light to shine in the shadowy corners where the anger still lives. I didn't know it was there but I can feel the familiar ache. Now I know it can be healed.

Physical healing isn't just physical or even primarily physical. I first became ill when I was married at 19, a horrible relationship. I sought love because I thought I was unlovable. Of course, the marriage didn't work but that was the setting when I became ill with nerve damage impairing my walking.

Now I need to find and experience that healing inside me and to allow it to heal me. How can I be whole physically if I'm not healed emotionally or spiritually? Now I can love myself, the basis for my healing.

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