June 29, 2014

I am healthy, happy, and strong. This is my new affirmation. I "got" very clearly yesterday while listening to an Abraham/Hicks tape that my healing is completely personal. My choice to experience joy and embrace life will help me walk more than doing additional physical exercises.

By nature I tend toward depression. The Enneagram identifies me as a 4. Characteristic of 4s: a longing to be special but a belief in their own flawedness, an identification with the Victim, a resistance to being happy, and difficulties in relationships. Of course, 4s heal and their great depth offers insight to the other types.

I value the specific gifts of the 4. I will go to any depth inside me to know who I am. I observe others resist feeling their feelings and choose to be numb. I would no more choose numbness than I would choose suicide which seems very similar. I don't understand opting for "comfort" instead of embracing honest feeling. I want to know, understand, and experience every detail of my own inner world. 

I don't like superficial contacts. When someone holds me at a distance, not opening to being known but wanting my attention, I feel insulted. "Either practice presence or leave me alone," I want to shout. I value intimacy and I search for connection. Historically, I've not been good at it with the exception of doing individual psychotherapy. There I love to watch and play with the unconscious. The beauty and specificity and wisdom of the deepest parts of ourselves inspire me. Doing psychotherapy always yields an experience of God at work/play. I need that.

At this point in my life when physical healing is my focus, I embrace healing at every level. I surrender to God's wisdom, I state my intention--to walk perfectly. I trust and I release. I don't know how it will unfold nor is it my job to orchestrate the details. By asking and aligning with the vibratory frequency of the Universe, I am guaranteed to receive my good.     

And I allow healing psychodynamically. I release all old hurts and resentments. I practice forgiveness and appreciation. I hold no resistance inside. Doing my own psychological work is the best I can do to heal. I allow healing when I move into the place (by choice) of being healed vibrationally. Words and affirmations don't matter unless they are anchored in a new reality. Then they serve to remind of the existence of that reality. But without offering a new vibration, words are meaningless. Practicing a healed vibration heals. And that means being me without limits. I only need to practice presence and allow the Universe to pull me to healing. My job is to be me fully. That's all that is important. Not being better than I am or being different or being more. Just being myself 100%. That's why I'm here. To be myself. And that's all I need do.  

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