November 10, 2014

Yesterday a new woman came to the meditation group. She was identified with her Controller, not offensively but enough for me to notice. I felt heavy this morning. Why should her being in her Controller bother me? Clearly, it is not about her personally. When I stay in my Adult, I can accept her choice to live any way she chooses.
But another being in her Controller throws me into my powerless, resentful Child. Why should that be? I lose my boundaries and my sense of being able to control my event. She requested at the end of the group that we introduce ourselves (again). Really quite assertive for a first time attendee but OK.
So, I gather she is an Enneagram 1, my mother's type. But why the anger? Because I need to forgive at a deeper level. I sincerely want to do that.  At this point my (four years deceased) mother is available to me; I can feel that. She is 100% healed and happy and loving and giving and protective. I didn't get what I wanted from her when I was young but I did learn so much that benefits me now. She did the best she could. And I am not doing the best I can if I hold onto the powerless and resentful past. I will never be healthy, physically or emotionally, until I am unswervingly anchored in my Adult.
So, it's my Controller! The new woman was showing me myself. How humbling!!!! In the meditation today we released the past and closed the door. I'm locking mine. I've had enough of it! Only joy and presence and creativity for me now.

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