October 27, 2014

For years I've appreciated Rob Brezsny's horoscopes. He has a feel for unconscious dynamics and the opportunities for healing they present. I can usually apply his general words to my specific concerns in meaningful ways that structure my perceptions more clearly.
This month the same horoscope was printed every week:
The driest place on the planet is the Atacama Desert in northern Chile. It gets about a half-inch of rain per year. And yet in 2011, archaeologists discovered that it's also home to a site containing the fossilized skeletons of numerous whales and other ancient sea creatures. I'm detecting a metaphorically comparable anomaly in your vicinity. A seemingly arid, empty part of your life harbors buried secrets that are available for you to explore. If you follow the clues, you may discover rich pickings that will inspire you to revise your history.
And then this morning Leona, the minister at church, spoke about self-forgiveness. When she suggested forgiving ourselves "for self-condemnation" something inside me rocked and creaked and I knew the message was for me. I've hated Controllers around me but the relentlessly abusive Inner Critic has been successful in intimidating me. However, that part is me. I have damaged myself. I have curtailed my own aliveness more than another person ever could. My bent over walking is like bowing in the face of life's challenges. I haven't acted strong or stood upright and I think it's because of me, my reverence for my Critic. I take her seriously when I should have backed off and observed her. I am so sorry I've hurt myself so much.
There's really no one to hate. I am my worst enemy and a dastardly adversary. (Another former adversary came up to me today and made a point of saying hello.) Time to make peace with adversaries, the Critic included.

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