September  10, 2014

It occurs to me that I practice "resistance" by working toward goals. In meditation yesterday I saw that I can appreciate how great the group is right now instead of focusing on a future undetermined date when there will be 50 folks present. Now we have a tight close small group in my living room. The setting is lovely, the folks open-hearted, the experience powerful. What's to criticize?

The guidance to appreciate this moment left me elated and deflated at the same time. Does it mean this is the best it will get? If so, what's wrong with that? Nothing, if I appreciate it. If this is the best my life will ever be and I am dissatisfied and looking to a future date when I will be happy, I am losing this moment. If I am to die next year I want to enjoy and appreciate every moment of today. With  a future orientation it's as though I'm saying I will sacrifice today for a huge tomorrow. I will learn by .... what? Being dissatisified with today? Pushing myself? 

I am so good at pushing myself. Always the future will be better. Always focusing on circumstances. And I know that isn't the answer.

I've felt a change coming and just received a phone call from Antoinette who is sitting with a woman in her office who wants to sell my bags in her shop. Finally, a professional who appreciates my art! Maybe this is the focus for my next phase. Not bad.

Spirit pays attention.

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