Sept. 12, 2014

My view of my life is shifting. Actually, it's pretty exciting. What I'm losing is my Controller orientation (which I didn't know was so strong) and what I'm being offered is the chance to practice joy. Working on my walking didn't get me where I want to go. I'll leave all Controller suggestions out of the picture. If nothing good physically comes of practicing joy, I will have a joyful time. Seems like I can't lose.
I admit that my trying and affirming and thinking aren't working. I can feel my legs weaken and my walking is difficult if I can walk at all. I'm fine around the house and I love having folks come here to meditate every day at noon. I may schedule more events here.
I suspect that part of my healing is reaching out to others. I can do that and I will. That would heal some long-standing fears. It will also give me a sense of participating in the world.
Abraham said that what happens in our bodies reflects the internal struggles we have lived. Heart attacks and strokes indicate huge pain. I'm guessing that my diagnosis is a step below that but still significant. Life has been terribly hard, mostly the first 50 years, so I don't begrudge my body anything. It has served me well; it deserves to be pampered. I'm taking it easy.
Practicing joy seems the perfect thing for me to do now. It's a vibration I have never mastered. It will also get me in the vortex where I will be further supported. My unconscious identification with my Controller prevented that.

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