Sept. 3, 2014

I'm getting clearer about the role my Controller plays in sabotaging my healing and the reason for the Controllers in my life. I meditated for 1.5 hours today before I got through my anger. From behind the Observer window I saw a fire floating down the river. I felt a lump at the base of my throat.

What shifted my experience was not identifying with either the Child or the Controller or even the Observer but with the Adult. I need to teach the neurologist how to treat folks. I don't think he's interested or open but I can stay in relation to him and still preserve my boundaries.

He sees me as sick. My Controller tells me to be reasonable and points out the fact that I'm not noticing any manifestations of healing. That's true but irrelevant. I need to always firmly, passionately, completely know that my perfect walking comes to me now. I can't have split energy and expect to see my healing.

I've walked around the circle in my neighborhood three times this week. I am walking better. I can see me waking perfectly and, truly, I know that is coming. It's just the Controller who sabotages me. I cannot be reasonable. I must stay true to my vision. Spirit has said yes to my request. I must line up vibrationally with it in order to receive it and to experience it. That's my job now. Stay positive, believe in myself, know my own healing. I must maintain a vibrational match to the good I want. And so I must limit my Controller (even if I can't affect the Controllers around me). No matter what anyone says or how anyone treats me I can always believe in myself. 

I want to always remember that I am doing leading edge work. It is very solitary at this point. At a time in the future I hope that shifts and others can share this with me. But for now I believe in myself and in Sprit and in our partnership and the perfect walking that comes now.


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