Two weeks ago I spoke with my client, bedridden for almost two years, about her mood swings.
“Life wasn’t supposed to turn out this way,” she said. “I had other plans.” Most of us could say
the same thing although we experience much less severe restriction.
These days her mind doesn’t program lists of errands. She can’t be “productive” in traditional
ways. She receives instead of gives, not her preference. She has been thrust into an arena in
which control on any level is irrelevant. Physical passivity dominates, irrespective of her wishes.
I wondered aloud with her about what she can do better now than she could when she was
scurrying around, always busy, usually stressed. We concluded that now she is totally available
for inspiration. When she moved from “doing” to “being,” she entered another arena altogether.
She can be open and attentive to the seconds of her days in a clearer way than ever before. “But
I’m not contributing!” she complains.
She meditates several times a time. Before she didn’t have time. Now all she has is time. She
observes her inner world dynamics precisely. She recognizes her Controller thoughts pulling her
attention away from her feelings. She notices “anxiety bumps” when her intellect clutches her
throat and restricts her breathing. At those times she rests behind her Observer window and
Some days her memory carries her on a tour of her past. She looks gently on the mistakes she has
made and the expectations that weren’t met. “What was I thinking?” she laughs. “If I had known
I’d be here, doing this” and she looks around her bedroom, “I’d have enjoyed myself more.”
What she does now better than ever before is focus her attention. She wants healing so she
focuses on healing. She is open to receive healing and to allow healing. She knows healing.
Unrealistically, irrationally she sees herself healed. She accepts healing; she celebrates her
Today when I walked into her room she wasn’t in bed. She was standing beside her bed. “I want
to give you a hug,” she announced. We hugged and tears came to my eyes.
She climbed into bed (with help) and told me about how she had walked into the living room this
week and eaten dinner at the table. “Like a normal person,” she said. She added, “I’m getting
stronger. I know my progress will continue.”
Her medical background as a nurse had impeded her expectations for herself recovering fully.
She has seen so many folks not recover and felt, understandably, discouraged. But in her
meditations, she released her old self-limiting thoughts and beliefs. She felt inspired to remember
herself — whole, healthy, unlimited. And after much hesitation, she trusted her inspiration.
Inspiration pulled her deeply into her eternal center after she moved away from her intellect. As
it does for us all. Whatever guidance we need lives in us this second. She illustrates that for the
rest of us. That’s one way she contributes.


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