To Share or Not To Share

            A day without guilt!


            What a concept.  And that’s all it is for many of us–a concept.  We forge through the minutes of our existence worrying, planning, fretting, efforting, dreading, fearing, or regretting.  And hoping.  Maybe someday this will end, we hope.  Maybe someday we will feel sure that we are enough, that we have enough, that we do enough.  Maybe someday we can relax. On that day we will say, ‘Oh boy!  Let’s see what happens today!’ 


            That kind of trust and joy and unencumberdness seems scary.  It’s all founded on the premise that I am OK.  We say we want that and we work to make it so.  But the reality is that we are there already.  We are OK today.  And more than OK.  We are loved.  Not because we earned it, not because we deserve it.  It’s just a fact.  We are loved. 


            Our job is not to suffer enough to earn OKness (as I thought when I was a kid in a Catholic school).  But to celebrate that I am an expression of eternal Life.  The only question is how will I express today? 


            Life runs through me.  I lend my specific tonal quality to its song and decide how I will share it.  Or that I won’t because I’m not good enough or I’m afraid or I don’t want to offend somebody or any of the million excuses we invent to let ourselves off the hook.  When being alive and sharing myself is what I need do this lifetime (and all I need do), then guilt becomes a sin.  Anything that keeps me from sharing my light cannot be tolerated.  That voice that tells me to be quiet must not be wise but simply afraid.  What if Life needs me to stand up and shout?  Is it moral for me to sit down and pass?  I’m not the judge of who I am, just the one who expresses.  The humility that comes from realizing that I am not the ultimate decision maker in my life releases me from anxiety.  I am who I am.  My challenge is to share me.  The world will respond but it’s not my business how.  I am only concerned with sharing myself.  After all, I didn’t create this world and I didn’t create me.  I’m here to express my version of Life.  Period.  Not to ask if I’m OK or if you like me or if I will be rewarded.  Just to be me.  I can’t afford guilt.  I’ve got too much expressing to do!  



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